have you ever just stopped and looked around your home and thought i can’t go on like this anymore?
Well that was sort of like me this evening, let me go back in time a bit:
i am ill with a chest infection (but im not using that excuse for my messy unorganised house and life in general), i had a nap on the bed for an hour whilst the kids watched t.v. now i had remembered earlier that my husband wanted me to sort him a new cd out, sort of make up his own compilation for him so he could use it in his boxing class. well i hadn’t done it and there i was rushing at 5.50pm to do the cd with him sitting on the ned next to me getting more frustrated by the minute. he had to leave by 6.15pm and in his time he also had to get himself ready before he leaves. i managed to finish the cd at 6.18pm and my poor husband didn’t even have time to get a bath before he went. his clean workout clothes were in the ever-growing clean washing pile in the spare room which he had to go rumaging through himself. now i am not saying there is anything wrong with him having to sort his own clothes out the fact is i think they should have been folded neatly in the wardrobe.
i felt embarrassed at the state and unorganised house in front of my husband, people may not agree with me but it was my responsibility not his, and as a christian wife i wasnt doing to well in the homemaking department. i rushed him out the door because i didn’t want him to look at me, silly i know but i just felt like such a failure.
Then my mind started to wander and i started to feel dissapointed with my body. i am a uk size 18 and i weigh 14stone 8lbs and this is the biggest i have ever been but ill talk more about that in another pos.
s anyway, once i got my husband ou the door and off to the class he was going to teach i vowed to get moving, i cant go on like this anymore and things have to be done, it feels like i am losing control over everything and its scary, i know i am not feeling too good with depression and it has taken alot out of me but i just want to feel better and be the best wife/homemaker/mom/individual woman that i can be. so ita off to clean before he arrives home in 1hrs, downstairs is done now for the upstairs!
Heavenly Father, Lord i just pray you give me the strength and ability to turn my life around, ive tried doing it on my own and i cant, nothing is possible without you my Lord
In your mighty name